What Is Best For Me, Is To Stop

October 10

God is thwarting me at my every turn. First, it was the fractures in my finger, now my right arm is getting sore. I'm overusing my right arm because I can't use my left hand at all. So now the muscles are starting to behave like they did when I had my rotator cuff injuries. Thankfully I've been able to work out the trigger points in the muscles and help them release. But I need to be careful. I really can't afford to re-injure my arms. This is really hard! At every turn, I'm faced with things I can't do. I woke up this morning with just a bit of a headache and I was going to try and write a little bit but I couldn't even do that. All I wanted to do was cry. It is really easy for me to push hard, work hard, get the job done, take control of the situation, and make it happen. All I keep facing is STOP. REST. Don't do ANYTHING. I've gotten behind on my blog because it's really hard to do it with just one hand. Last night I tried to sit down and edit some of what I had written, but the computer was so slow and glitching I couldn't accomplish anything so I finally gave up. It doesn't really matter because no one's reading it every day, so no one is expecting anything, but I'm still frustrated. I've been writing the rough draft on my phone as I speak into my microphone. It's really not a bad way to do it, but I have to speak the commas in place, and the periods, and I still have to go back and edit it because it never turns out quite right. Again, I know God is in the midst of this. He has been me telling me for a long time that I am a human BEING, not a human DOING. My worth is in who I am, not what I do. I know for others this forced STOP, may not be a hard lesson, but for me... it's just a little bit of torture. There's so much work to be done here, and I so badly want to just jump in and do it. It is really hard for me to sit and do nothing when people around me are working. I feel really bad. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. I used to think some of this guilt was coming from the people still working, but now I know, most of it is just me. well, maybe all of it. So God I surrender. Today, I surrender to what you're doing in my life and in my heart. I surrender what you're doing in my soul and in my mind. I surrender to what it is you're doing in my life. I know that this is for my good and your glory and you will be glorified. I know you only want what is best for me. And what is best for me is to stop.

So God blessed me, and my son-in-law came over tonight to help. He and my husband got a good amount of work done. If all goes well, tomorrow the kitchen will be up and running in the basement and that will be a good thing. Lord, I love you for this work that you're doing in my heart. I just wish I didn't struggle so hard against it. I wish it just came easy to me. But you are determined to teach me because when I wouldn't slow down with a broken finger on my left hand, you took my right arm away from me too. Haha, well played.