The Longest Journey is From You Head to Your Heart

I did not know how deep this mindset of, just take charge, and get it done, runs in me.

October 13

I know how to get things done. I know how to make things happen. I know how to push through and push hard. I know how to manage my time to get the most out of it. I pride myself on being able to accomplish a lot in each day. I simply try to make the most of all my time. I love the feeling of checking things off my list. I love the knowledge that I made the most of my time. Especially knowing I didn't waste time. I also like that there is so much I know how to do, and that I can manage a lot on my own. So having a fractured finger on one hand, and a rotator cuff injury wanting to flare up in the other arm is really frustrating me. I know God is telling me to stop. Slow down. Trust others to do what you can't. But this is really hard. I mean really really hard. I'm looking around the house at things that need to be done for this renovation. If I was up to full speed, I would have already patched the two small drywall holes that were cut out today. But I can't do it, so the holes are still there. I just look around and see so much that if I was not incapacitated, would have already been done. I hate waiting on people to do something that I can do. The problem is I can't do it.

We had the window in the basement framed out today. And it looks beautiful. James couldn't repair the drywall today so he said he'd come back each night this week, and the kitchen would be all done by Friday. All I can think is, if I could do it, I could have it done so much sooner. But I have to wait till Friday, and it's killing me. I just keep hearing God gently say, Linda stop. Rest. Heal. It has been almost 3 weeks since I fractured my finger. I should be able to take the splint off, but I can't. I have made some progress, I don't have to walk around with a cold pack 24 hours a day. But it's not healing near as fast as it should. So, I sit here tonight with my fingers a little bit tingly, my arm is aching and God is telling me to trust him, and trust the people I love, and let it go. I am sitting here in tears, not because I have too much work to do. Not because I'm tired. I'm crying because there's so much I want to do, so much I could normally do, and God keeps saying stop, let it go. I just want to jump in and get it done. I don't want to rely on someone else to do what I can do. But I can't do it, so I have to let go. I know I keep saying the same thing. That just shows you how hard this is for me. I did not know how deep this mindset of, just take charge, and get it done, runs in me. So, I will spend a little bit more time with my heavenly father before I go off to bed, and surrender. I will let go and trust until peace comes. This letting go thing is harder than just working hard to get it done. But I will trust him and I will surrender.

As I just finished a 5-minute pause, I said to God, I just want to be near you, I just want to feel close to you, I just want to feel your presence. And I felt him say to me, “How can you feel me near, if you don't know how much I love you?”

I know all the right answers to that question. I could quote several scriptures that would show the truth of it. Have you heard the phrase, the longest journey is from your head to your heart. God is taking me on that journey.