Holy & Without Blame

I am holy and without blame before Him in Love

July 17

I am holy and without blame before Him in Love. 1Pet 1:16, Eph 1:4

As I read that scripture, my heart ached, I know that it is true, but too often I don’t live there. I have a high gift of mercy, which means I feel what others feel. I am very compassionate and have to be careful not to absorb too much of the suffering of others. I also tend to take more than my fair share of responsibility in relational conflict. Their behavior might be bad but, I need to the bigger person and not feed the already bad situation. I am quick to ask what my part was in the problem, trying to keep the peace. Even when I know it is not my fault, I can feel guilty for even thinking I am blameless.

As a kid, I was put in charge of my older and younger brother when my parents went out. My older brother was not trustworthy. If left in charge he would become a tyrant. I had to project myself and my younger brother. I became responsible in areas I was not supposed to be. I was ten years old trying to keep the peace and be the responsible one. I was carrying burdens that were not mine to carry. Today, someone helped me to make the connection. That is when I started to take on the burdens of others I am not meant to carry. It became my job to protect my little brother. I had to be the grown-up. I had to make the right decisions. I was taking responsibility for my older brother because he wouldn’t do it do himself. The first time my parents left me in charge I was afraid and didn’t like it. It became normal over time and thankfully my parents didn’t go out too often. Today, I forgave both my parents and my brother. I broke ties that bind and know I am only responsible for myself and my behavior. Today I am a little freer.