Dismantling My Safety Net

November 4

The more I learn about spiritual warfare and the enemy's tactics, the more I try to build a framework against the troubles of this world. I try to take control. I go back to what makes me feel safe. Do the right thing! Make sure I pray the right way; make sure I complete all the steps. I start to carry a burden that is not mine to take. I don't want any generational stronghold from me passed down to my children or grandchildren. I start to think about how I should pray and who I should pray for. The more I pray, the more I see that needs prayer. Then I start to worry; what if I don't do it right or miss something. I recognized this, and I did stop. I put it all into God's hands and chose to trust him. I let Him be God. God is getting to the root of why I do this. God is showing me that the way I have managed my life may have looked good, but it was sin because I was trying to do it all without Him. I didn't think that was what I was doing at the time. But I see God wanting to build a whole new framework for my life. It's not that my life will look a whole lot different, at least I don't think so. But I believe I will have a lot more freedom and a lot more peace, and a lot less condemnation. You see, my need to do the right thing won't give me what I need. One of the lies is; I need to read the Bible every day to have a close relationship with God. If I miss a day, that's not good. Then I feel condemnation. Maybe not a lot, because I do understand God's grace and mercy. But there's a little. So after years of living this way and building a more and more complicated framework for my life, a life that I can't manage all the time. I can't possibly always do the right thing or make the right decisions. I am learning a deeper trust.

I don't think about it much because I know about God's grace and mercy, but that little voice of condemnation is still there. The only way to get rid of the voice of condemnation is to get rid of the framework. All the laws and rules and guidelines that I created for myself have to go. Undoing a lifetime of expectations is no easy task. But God knows what He's doing, this framework that I built may have looked like it was working, but looks can be deceiving. I built it; I have to dismantle it. I don't have to do it on my own; God is helping. He won't do anything I don't ask him to do. I had to see the lie, and now God will show me a new way to have security. He just let life get uncomfortable enough that I could see.