Looking Back With Joy

I wanted testimony without a test.

August 3

Many years ago I attended a Women of Faith Conference. As I listened to the guest speaker, I was in awe of her Faith. Her husband was one of the astronauts who had died just a few years earlier. As she gave her testimony, I remember saying to God, I want that kind of powerful, inspirational, faith. I want that kind of strength, but please God, I don’t want that kind of story. I thought if I was obedient and studied His word, if I did all the right things, learned from others’ mistakes, drew close to Him, I could attain it. Boy was I wrong! I wanted this incredible faith-filled life without pain. I wanted a testimony without a test.

So, today when Jesus asked me to look back at my life so far, I could look at all the painful and scary moments of my life with real joy. I wouldn’t be who I am without them. I like what Jesus has done in me and who I am becoming. I can look back and smile, no regrets. He held my face in His hands, kissed my forehead, and said, “More is coming.”

I knew He meant more trials and more pain. I knew He meant there would be difficult and scary days ahead. At first, fear started to well up, as I tried to imagine what horrible and dreadful thing was just around the corner. Then I realized he wasn’t warning me of imminent danger, He was showing me my brokenness. He showed me that fear was still lurking in the shadows. I have work to do. I want to be able to look at my future with the same joy I look at my past. No longer a slave to fear. If He used all things for my good and His glory in the past, surely He will continue to do that in the future.