Freely Receiving God's Good Gifts

For years I have felt guilty over receiving good gifts, especially from God

August 25

Our friend Walt came over today to see if the pipe could be moved into the wall so we could design the kitchen the way we had planned. He said yes! He told us he would send someone over on Thursday to move the pipe and move the door and window in the basement. Shortly after he left, my husband Michael started taking the drywall off and taking the pantry out. I couldn’t believe it. I had been keeping the possibility of not doing the kitchen in my mind just in case. So, when I saw Michael ripping out the wall I was shocked, and excited. We really are moving forward. We’re going to redo the Kitchen! Woohoo! I have held loosely the dream of a new kitchen. I could enjoy the planning, without attaching my heart. I feel so grateful and blessed to be able to do these renovations, but what is even better is, I don’t feel guilty.

Only a week ago, was I able to let go of the guilt of receiving good gifts from God, or anyone else for that matter. When I was young I vowed I would never be selfish like my brother. I wouldn’t demand or ask for anything. I wouldn’t put any added stress on the people who love me. I wouldn’t need, want, or ask.

I did this because I had an older brother who would browbeat and beg my mother until out of desperation she would give him what he pleaded for. Often it was an item that was overpriced and not reasonable. One day he stood in the kitchen and asked for an incredibly expensive pair of running shoes. He begged and pleaded, saying, please mom, over and over again until 30 minutes later, she said, Yes and told him to go, get out of here. That's when I first said, I will never do that!

I won’t need like that and put that kind of pressure on people. What I didn’t understand is that a vow like that made it hard for me to receive good gifts. It has been this way my whole life. I didn’t buy myself things for pleasure, or because I liked it. I would only buy if I felt I really needed it. Ten years ago I pushed through some of that but always felt guilty. I felt guilty over this home God gave to me. I have felt guilty over having such a good relationship with my children, which is one of the best gifts God gave me. I could work my way through it, but it was always there. I could easily spend money on other people, provide things for the church, spend hours making something for someone else. I was always last and tried to need the least.

So today, when Michael broke down the wall in our kitchen, and I had no guilt that we were actually doing it, I knew I had won. I am free! Jesus has set me free again.