Free to Receive God's Good Gift's

I feel so blessed to have the house God gave us, the church, our friends and so much more. But not everything has been easy and for that, I have felt so guilty.

August 8

When we bought our house 5 ½ years ago we knew we were going to redo the kitchen. I even had sample doors sent to me. But as we got working on all the floors and painting all the rooms along with things like putting doors in for my husband to have an office, we realized we needed to put the kitchen on hold. I am glad we didn’t do it then because after living with this kitchen I have a much better idea of what I want. As we started to plan the basement kitchen with the free cabinets we were blessed with, my husband decided not to put it off any longer and just do the main kitchen. He wants to do it before all the kids are gone and while we can still enjoy it. At first, I was really excited. Then guilt came in. I could reason the guilt away, but it just kept coming back. I talked to someone about this because it was keeping me up at night. I said I just don’t know what this is or where it is coming from, but as we talked God reminded me of my older brother begging my mom for shoes. Expensive shoes that we couldn’t afford. He stood and begged her for over 30 min of non-stop begging until she gave in. This kind of thing happened often. I felt so bad for my mom, I said to myself, I will never be that selfish. I won’t need, and I won’t ask, and I never did. I made a vow, with good intentions, but it has blocked me from receiving. Over the years my mom would get mad at me for not letting her know what I needed. She would say that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I didn’t want to be a squeaky wheel, so I didn’t ask. Today God revealed that this is where my guilt is coming from. It has always been hard for me to receive God’s good gifts to me.

I have spent the last 5 ½ years trying not to feel guilty about moving to North Carolina. I am the one that really wanted to move. Everyone else agreed, but if it wasn’t for me, we would never have done it. I feel so blessed to have the house God gave us, the church, our friends and so much more. But not everything has been easy and for that, I have felt so guilty.

I asked God to forgive me for making that vow, and I forgave my mom and my brother. I broke the vow and asked Jesus to heal me and restore all that was broken. The guilt is gone and I can simply receive God’s good gift to me and my family.

It may sound silly or even ridiculous to others, but that nagging guilt is truly gone.