Unrealistic Expectations

Sometimes I have unrealistic standards for myself.

April 16

I am starting to get a little stir crazy. Anxiety is creeping in. With everyone home, the house is messier. You would think that with this stay at home order I would be getting a lot done, but I'm not. I am trying to help my daughter make plans for the fall, but with so much unknown, it's hard. My son who came home from Japan is hoping to start some classes for the spring semester. I am feeling so much pressure, and I'm not sure why. So when I went to bed the other night, I took it to God. I asked Him, What is this? I feel like I am failing. I feel like I should be able to knock-out all kinds of things on my to-do list, and I should be able to get this blog up and running. I mean, this is comical. I started this blog on January 1st. I am writing every day like God asked me to, but I have not posted one thing! I feel the pressure to get my blog set up, and current so I can simply write and post each day as it comes. I feel the pressure to keep the house clean and neat since I am home all the time. I feel the pressure to be there emotionally for my family, especially since they all have real struggles in their lives because of this virus. I feel the pressure to get some projects completed around the house, that are long overdue. I feel the pressure to do something valuable with this time we have, and I feel like I am failing! I asked Him to unravel me. I asked Him to search my heart. I can't conquer this if I don't know the root of it. I get the feeling this is going to take some time. This isn’t going to be a quick fix. So far what God has shown me, is that My expectations of myself are unrealistic. I am not Superwoman. Everyone in my family has suffered loss because of this. All of my children's plans have been turned upside down, my husband’s normally stressful job under extreme pressure, and people are getting sick and dying. Me... I'm okay. God is showing me that I am not acknowledging my own losses because they seem insignificant. I think this is where the desire to do something significant with the time I have, is coming from. As I said, I think this is going to take some time, but at least I know God is in this with me!